Progresso 00:00

cifra

Your Horoscope For Today

"Weird Al" Yankovic

Aquarius!
There's travel in your future when your tongue
Freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life
By playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces!
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos
With the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance
No matter what those idiots at work say

Aries!
The look on your face will be priceless
When you find that forty-pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf
Then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus!
You will never find true happiness
What you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up
Do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay
That's your horoscope for today

Gemini!
Your birthday party will be ruined once again
By your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble
When your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer!
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend
The rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose
While taking your driver's test

Leo!
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt
And staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding
Then wash it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quik

Virgo!
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent
Except for you
Expect a big surprise today
When you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay
That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable
Or at the very least a bit unlikely
That the relative position of the planets
And the stars could have a special deep significance
Or meaning that exclusively applies to only you

But let me give you my assurance
That these forecasts and predictions
Are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence
So you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize
That every single one of them is absolutely true
Where was I?

Libra!
A big promotion is just around the corner
For someone much more talented than you
Laughter is the very best medicine
Remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio!
Get ready for an unexpected trip
When you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem
You stupid freak

Sagittarius!
All your friends are laughing behind your back
(Kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine
You've got hanging in your den

Capricorn!
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person
But you know they're lying
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows
And never, never, never, never, never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay

That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay

That's your horoscope for today

Playlists relacionadas Ver mais playlists

Músicas de halloween

Músicas de halloween Michael Jackson, Imagine Dragons, Lady Gaga...

Músicas para pensar na vida

Músicas para pensar na vida Billie Joel, Coldplay, Gustavo Cerati...

Músicas para ouvir no inverno

Músicas para ouvir no inverno Birdy, Mumford & Sons, Coldplay...

Músicas para um dia chuvoso

Músicas para um dia chuvoso Bruno Mars, Coldplay, Sandy & Junior...

Música, abraço & cafuné

Música, abraço & cafuné Tiago Iorc, Alicia Keys, Nando Reis...

As melhores músicas do Maroon 5

As melhores músicas do Maroon 5 Memories, Payphone, She Will Be Loved...

Percy Jackson e os Olimpianos (trilha sonora oficial completa)

Percy Jackson e os Olimpianos (trilha sonora oficial completa) Bear McCreary, Olivia Rodrigo, Sparks & Shadow...

As melhores músicas de Shakira

As melhores músicas de Shakira Hips Don't Lie, Acróstico, Waka Waka...

Momentos

Trilhas Sonoras

O melhor de 3 artistas combinados

Ivete Sangalo + Daniela Mercury + Claudia Leitte

Axé Ivete Sangalo + Daniela Mercury + Claudia Leitte

Ouvir playlist

Arctic Monkeys + Of Monsters and Men + The Neighbourhood

Indie Arctic Monkeys + Of Monsters and Men + The Neighbourhood

Ouvir playlist

Black Sabbath + Iron Maiden + Metallica

Heavy Metal Black Sabbath + Iron Maiden + Metallica

Ouvir playlist

Adele + Sam Smith + Amy Winehouse

Soul Adele + Sam Smith + Amy Winehouse

Ouvir playlist