- 1
Momus - The Cabriolet
- 2
Momus - John The Baptist Jones
- 3
Momus - Lucky Like St. Sebastian
- 4
Momus - The Guitar Lesson
- 5
Momus - A Complete History Of Sexual Jealousy (Parts 17 – 24)
- 6
Momus - A Dull Documentary
- 7
Momus - A Monkey For Sallie
- 8
Momus - Afterglow
- 9
Momus - Amongst Women Only
- 10
Momus - Bishonen
- 11
Momus - Bluestocking
- 12
Momus - Cibachrome Blue
- 13
Momus - Closer To You
- 14
Momus - Conquistador
- 15
Momus - Don't Stop The Night
- 16
Momus - Eleven Executioners
- 17
Momus - Flame Into Being
- 18
Momus - Hippopotamomus
- 19
Momus - How do You Find My Sister?
- 20
Momus - I Ate a Girl Right Up
- 21
Momus - I Was a Maoist Intellectual
- 22
Momus - Ice King
- 23
Momus - In The Sanatorium
- 24
Momus - Islington John
- 25
Momus - King Solomon's Song And Mine
- 26
Momus - Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous
- 27
Momus - Little Lord Obedience
- 28
Momus - Lord Of The Dance
- 29
Momus - Love On Ice
- 30
Momus - Marquis Of Sadness
- 31
Momus - Michelin Man
- 32
Momus - Momutation 3
- 33
Momus - Moop Bears
- 34
Momus - Murderers, The Hope Of Women
- 35
Momus - Paper Wraps Rock
- 36
Momus - Pornography
- 37
Momus - Righthand Heart
- 38
Momus - Rules Of The Game Of Quoits
- 39
Momus - Sex For The Disabled
- 40
Momus - Shaftesbury Avenue
- 41
Momus - Situation Comedy Blues
- 42
Momus - Song In Contravention
- 43
Momus - Spacewalk
- 44
Momus - Summer Holiday 1999
- 45
Momus - The Angels Are Voyeurs
- 46
Momus - The Angels Are Voyeurs (Reprise)
- 47
Momus - The Charm Of Innocence
- 48
Momus - The Day The Circus Came To Town
- 49
Momus - The Gatecrasher
- 50
Momus - The Hairstyle Of The Devil
- 51
Momus - The Homosexual
- 52
Momus - The Lesson Of Sodom (According To Lot)
- 53
Momus - The Painter And His Model
- 54
Momus - The Rape Of Lucretia
- 55
Momus - Three Wars
- 56
Momus - Trans Siberian Express
- 57
Momus - Trust Me, I'm a Doctor
- 58
Momus - Ventriloquists And Dolls
- 59
Momus - Violets
- 60
Momus - Virtual Reality
- 61
Momus - Vocation
- 62
Momus - Voyager
- 63
Momus - What Will Death Be Like?
Lucky Like St. Sebastian
Momus
Who persecuted Christians until he saw
The work was bearing fruit for the Christians
So the man changed his opinions and his Christian name to Paul
And he wrote important chapters in the Bible
But the blood on his writing hand reeked to high heaven
And Paul resolved to die
So he wrote to friends in Rome
A senator who owed him a favour
Asking for an executioner
So Paul could make his exit as a martyr
The senator sent this answer
Should you be so lucky like St Sebastian
Preferring the ache to the aspirin
Swooning as they shoot the arrows
Through your narrow chest
Stripping naked in the Circus Maximus
With a martyr-eating lioness
Bartering with flesh for a little pain
Scenes like this give sadomasochism a bad name
Once there was a man who loved a woman too much
To give up hope when he saw she wouldn't touch him with a barge pole
He spent his whole life in the Inferno
He composed in thirty-four cantos
O Dante though I'm anti such romantic speculation
I'm your hypocrite reader in the same situation
I'm your double, me I'm your brother in pain
But Alighieri if you'll listen there's a difference
Between your Beatrice and my Paula
She's anonymous and now a waitress
It's comic but not divine
The tragedy is no-one's dying!
Should I be so lucky like St Sebastian
Going out with a bang, just hear me
Whimpering with joy as Mr Death receives his blue-eyed boy
Surrender unto Caesar or to God, it makes no odds
There's just one thing the martyr wants to say
Tell me, Mrs. Lincoln, did you enjoy the play?
