[Caligula]
My name is Caligula
A rotten, Roman pig-ula
If you told me a fib-ula
I'd hack your hands to stumps!
One time, I killed a priest
Who'd come to sacrifice a beast
You'd think it's sad that he's deceased-
We all laughed like chumps!
I'm very hairy, but take note
If you so much as whisper 'Goat! '
With an iron rod, you will be smote!
In a good mood today, so I won't slit your throat
I'm bad! (He's bad!)
A shameless rotten cad!
Do you still have limbs since meeting me?
Then I guess you should be glad!
[Elagabalus]
Your nastiness was fabulous
But my name's Elagabalus
And I was far, far worse
Just listen to my verse
I was quite notorious
For catapulting venomous
Snakes at Rome's enormous
Crowds, oh, how they fled
If you won a lottery prize
I'd give you bees, dead dogs, and flies
My house guests got a nice surprise
A lion in their bed!
You'd think to children, I'd be cuter
No, I was their biggest executor
Used their guts to read the future
Says here I should get a job as a school tutor!
I'm bad! (He's bad!)
Could argue I was sad!
Hated through our empire
From Great Britain to Baghdad!
[Commodus]
Afraid your claim is bogus
'Cause my name is Commodus
And no one else could be
A worse emperor than me
There never was a greater
Pretend gladiator
If the booing got too loud
Made the lions fight the crowd!
Just one man was grander
Julius Alexander
So I killed him, see
'Cause I'm the emperor, me
I'm bad! (He's bad!)
My actions truly rad!
[Nero]
You only got the emperor job
'Cause you were chosen by your dad!
To me, you all score zero
My name is Emperor Nero
Evil men you're not-
I'm the worstest of the lot!
(Wooh!)
My rule was full of fear-o
Yes, men from far and near-o
Called me a fighting hero
Or I would have them slayed!
Changed the Olympic season
So the medals went to me, son
Burned Christians for no reason
Just a fun game I played, you know
Poisoned my stepbrother
Ordered men to kill my mother
Tried to drown her but she fled
So I had her stabbed instead
(Uh!)
Wait! There's more!
With my first wife, dear Octavia
I showed truly bad behaviour
Chopped her head off, gave it to
My girlfriend who I then killed too!
I'm bad! So baddy!
Of badness, I'm the daddy!
Come on, I want to see
A more evil bloke than me!
(Huh!)
[All]
You're bad! Real bad!
Nothing more to add!
We all thought that we were awful
But you were really, truly mad!
[Nero]
I'm the baddest emperor the Romans ever had
