- 1
Frank Zappa - Uncle Remus
- 2
Frank Zappa - Bobby Brown Goes Down
- 3
Frank Zappa - Bobby Brown
- 4
Frank Zappa - Catholic Girls
- 5
Frank Zappa - Cosmik Debris
- 6
Frank Zappa - Muffin Man
- 7
Frank Zappa - Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
- 8
Frank Zappa - Watermelon In Easter Hay
- 9
Frank Zappa - Camarillo Brillo
- 10
Frank Zappa - Dirty Love
- 11
Frank Zappa - Peaches En Regalia
- 12
Frank Zappa - I'm The Slime
- 13
Frank Zappa - Joe's Garage
- 14
Frank Zappa - Sofa #2
- 15
Frank Zappa - Stink-Foot
- 16
Frank Zappa - The Torture Never Stops
- 17
Frank Zappa - Apostrophe(')
- 18
Frank Zappa - Montana
- 19
Frank Zappa - Po-Jama People
- 20
Frank Zappa - Valley Girl
- 21
Frank Zappa - Broken Hearts Are For Assholes
- 22
Frank Zappa - Crew Slut
- 23
Frank Zappa - Fembot In A Wet T-shirt
- 24
Frank Zappa - Flakes
- 25
Frank Zappa - Inca Roads
- 26
Frank Zappa - Willie The Pimp
- 27
Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is
- 28
Frank Zappa - Disco Boy
- 29
Frank Zappa - Father O'Blivion
- 30
Frank Zappa - He's So Gay
- 31
Frank Zappa - Hungry Freaks, Daddy
- 32
Frank Zappa - I'm A Beautiful Guy
- 33
Frank Zappa - I'm So Cute
- 34
Frank Zappa - Little Umbrellas
- 35
Frank Zappa - Magic Fingers
- 36
Frank Zappa - St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
- 37
Frank Zappa - The Duke of Prunes
- 38
Frank Zappa - Titties & Beer
- 39
Frank Zappa - Yo' Mama
- 40
Frank Zappa - Zoot Allures
- 41
Frank Zappa - A Little Green Rosetta
- 42
Frank Zappa - A Token Of My Extreme
- 43
Frank Zappa - Baby Please Don't Go (feat. John Lennon)
- 44
Frank Zappa - Can't Afford No Shoes
- 45
Frank Zappa - City Of Tiny Lites
- 46
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions
- 47
Frank Zappa - Dinah Moe Humm
- 48
Frank Zappa - Dumb All Over
- 49
Frank Zappa - Evelyn, A Modified Dog
- 50
Frank Zappa - Excentrifugal Forz
- 51
Frank Zappa - Fifty-Fifty
- 52
Frank Zappa - Fine Girl
- 53
Frank Zappa - Florentine Pogen
- 54
Frank Zappa - Goblin Girl
- 55
Frank Zappa - I Have Been In You
- 56
Frank Zappa - Jewish Princess
- 57
Frank Zappa - Lumpy Gravy I
- 58
Frank Zappa - My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama
- 59
Frank Zappa - Nanook Rubs It
- 60
Frank Zappa - On The Bus
- 61
Frank Zappa - Outside Now
- 62
Frank Zappa - Road Ladies
- 63
Frank Zappa - Ruthie-Ruthie
- 64
Frank Zappa - San Ber'dino
- 65
Frank Zappa - Sy Borg
- 66
Frank Zappa - The Central Scrutinizer
- 67
Frank Zappa - Tinseltown Rebellion
- 68
Frank Zappa - What's The Ugliest part Of Your Body?
- 69
Frank Zappa - Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?
- 70
Frank Zappa - Zomby Woof
- 71
Frank Zappa - Andy
- 72
Frank Zappa - Baby, Take Your Teeth Out
- 73
Frank Zappa - Billy The Mountain
- 74
Frank Zappa - Black Napkins
- 75
Frank Zappa - Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy
- 76
Frank Zappa - Chunga's Revenge
- 77
Frank Zappa - Cucamonga
- 78
Frank Zappa - Dancin' Fool
- 79
Frank Zappa - Directly From My Heart To You
- 80
Frank Zappa - Easy Meat
- 81
Frank Zappa - Find Her Finer
- 82
Frank Zappa - Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder
- 83
Frank Zappa - He Used To Cut The Grass
- 84
Frank Zappa - I'm Not Satisfied
- 85
Frank Zappa - I'm So Happy I Could Cry
- 86
Frank Zappa - It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal
- 87
Frank Zappa - Just One More Time
- 88
Frank Zappa - Keep It Greasey
- 89
Frank Zappa - Keep It Greasy
- 90
Frank Zappa - Love Of My Life
- 91
Frank Zappa - Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up
- 92
Frank Zappa - Magdalena
- 93
Frank Zappa - My Head?
- 94
Frank Zappa - No Not Now
- 95
Frank Zappa - No Not Now (in album Thing-fish)
- 96
Frank Zappa - Packard Goose
- 97
Frank Zappa - Pygmy Twylyte
- 98
Frank Zappa - Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink
- 99
Frank Zappa - Sex
- 100
Frank Zappa - Sexual Harassment In The Workplace
- 101
Frank Zappa - Sharleena
- 102
Frank Zappa - Son Of Suzy Creamcheese
- 103
Frank Zappa - Stick It Out
- 104
Frank Zappa - Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance
- 105
Frank Zappa - That Evil Prince
- 106
Frank Zappa - The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary
- 107
Frank Zappa - The Closer You Are
- 108
Frank Zappa - The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou
- 109
Frank Zappa - Trouble Every Day
- 110
Frank Zappa - Tryin' To Grow A Chin
- 111
Frank Zappa - Welcome To The United States
- 112
Frank Zappa - Wind Up Working In A Gas Station
- 113
Frank Zappa - Wowie Zowie
- 114
Frank Zappa - Wplj
- 115
Frank Zappa - You Didn't Try To Call Me
- 116
Frank Zappa - Your Mouth
- 117
Frank Zappa - 200 Motels Fineale
- 118
Frank Zappa - 200 Years Old
- 119
Frank Zappa - 5050
- 120
Frank Zappa - 9/8 Objects
- 121
Frank Zappa - A Few Moments With Brother A. West
- 122
Frank Zappa - A Game Of Cards
- 123
Frank Zappa - A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes
- 124
Frank Zappa - A Typical Sound Check
- 125
Frank Zappa - Absolutely Free
- 126
Frank Zappa - Advance Romance
- 127
Frank Zappa - Advance Romance (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 3 )
- 128
Frank Zappa - Agency Man
- 129
Frank Zappa - Ain't Got No Heart
- 130
Frank Zappa - Alley Cat
- 131
Frank Zappa - America Drinks
- 132
Frank Zappa - America Drinks & Goes Home
- 133
Frank Zappa - Amnesia Vivace
- 134
Frank Zappa - Any Downers?
- 135
Frank Zappa - Any Kind Of Pain
- 136
Frank Zappa - Any Way The Wind Blows
- 137
Frank Zappa - Anything
- 138
Frank Zappa - Approximate
- 139
Frank Zappa - Are You Hung Up?
- 140
Frank Zappa - Are You Upset?
- 141
Frank Zappa - Artificial Rhonda
- 142
Frank Zappa - At The Gas Station
- 143
Frank Zappa - Babbette
- 144
Frank Zappa - Baby Snakes
- 145
Frank Zappa - Bacon Fat
- 146
Frank Zappa - Baked-Bean Boogie
- 147
Frank Zappa - Bamboozled By Love
- 148
Frank Zappa - Be In My Video
- 149
Frank Zappa - Be-Bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church)
- 150
Frank Zappa - Beauty Knows No Pain
- 151
Frank Zappa - Big Leg Emma
- 152
Frank Zappa - Big Swifty
- 153
Frank Zappa - Bow Tie Daddy
- 154
Frank Zappa - Briefcase Boogie
- 155
Frank Zappa - Brown Moses
- 156
Frank Zappa - Brown Shoes Don't Make It
- 157
Frank Zappa - Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Rebellion)
- 158
Frank Zappa - Bwana Dik
- 159
Frank Zappa - Call Any Vegetable
- 160
Frank Zappa - Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band From L.A.)
- 161
Frank Zappa - Carol, You Fool
- 162
Frank Zappa - Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 4)
- 163
Frank Zappa - Centerville
- 164
Frank Zappa - Chana In De Bushwop
- 165
Frank Zappa - Charles Ives
- 166
Frank Zappa - Charlie's Enormous Mouth
- 167
Frank Zappa - Charva
- 168
Frank Zappa - Cheap Thrills
- 169
Frank Zappa - Cheepnis
- 170
Frank Zappa - Chocolate Halvah
- 171
Frank Zappa - Church Chat
- 172
Frank Zappa - City Of Tiny Lites (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 5)
- 173
Frank Zappa - Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus
- 174
Frank Zappa - Clowns On Velvet
- 175
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 176
Frank Zappa - Cock-Suckers' Ball
- 177
Frank Zappa - Concentration Moon
- 178
Frank Zappa - Conehead
- 179
Frank Zappa - Cops & Buns
- 180
Frank Zappa - Cruising For Burgers
- 181
Frank Zappa - Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
- 182
Frank Zappa - Dance Contest
- 183
Frank Zappa - Debra Kadabra
- 184
Frank Zappa - Dental Hygeine Dilemma
- 185
Frank Zappa - Dental Hygiene Dilemma
- 186
Frank Zappa - Deseri
- 187
Frank Zappa - Dew On The Newts We Got
- 188
Frank Zappa - Dickie's Such An Asshole
- 189
Frank Zappa - Didja Get Any Onya?
- 190
Frank Zappa - Diseases Of The Band
- 191
Frank Zappa - Do You Like My New Car?
- 192
Frank Zappa - Does This Kind of Life Does This Kind of Life?
- 193
Frank Zappa - Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You?
- 194
Frank Zappa - Dog Breath
- 195
Frank Zappa - Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague
- 196
Frank Zappa - Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?
- 197
Frank Zappa - Dong Work For Yuda
- 198
Frank Zappa - Doreen
- 199
Frank Zappa - Doreen (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 5)
- 200
Frank Zappa - Drafted Again
- 201
Frank Zappa - Drop Dead
- 202
Frank Zappa - Drowning Witch
- 203
Frank Zappa - Drowning Witch (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 204
Frank Zappa - Drums Are Too Noisy
- 205
Frank Zappa - Duke Of Prunes
- 206
Frank Zappa - Dummy Up
- 207
Frank Zappa - Echidna's Arf (Of You)
- 208
Frank Zappa - Eddie, Are You Kidding?
- 209
Frank Zappa - Electric Aunt Jemima
- 210
Frank Zappa - Elvis Has Just Left The Building
- 211
Frank Zappa - Envelops The Bath Tub
- 212
Frank Zappa - Epilogue
- 213
Frank Zappa - Flambay
- 214
Frank Zappa - Flower Punk
- 215
Frank Zappa - For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers)
- 216
Frank Zappa - For The Young Sophisticate
- 217
Frank Zappa - Fountain Of Love
- 218
Frank Zappa - Frank Zappa
- 219
Frank Zappa - Frogs With Dirty Little Lips
- 220
Frank Zappa - Fuck Yourself
- 221
Frank Zappa - Galoot Up-Date
- 222
Frank Zappa - Geneva Farewell
- 223
Frank Zappa - German Lunch
- 224
Frank Zappa - Get A Little
- 225
Frank Zappa - God Bless America
- 226
Frank Zappa - Half A Dozen Provocative Squats
- 227
Frank Zappa - Happy Together
- 228
Frank Zappa - Harder Than Your Husband
- 229
Frank Zappa - Harry & Rhonda
- 230
Frank Zappa - Harry-As-A-Boy
- 231
Frank Zappa - Harry, You're A Beast
- 232
Frank Zappa - Heavenly Bank Account
- 233
Frank Zappa - Help, I'm a Rock
- 234
Frank Zappa - Here Lies Love
- 235
Frank Zappa - Holding The Group Back
- 236
Frank Zappa - Holiday In Berlin
- 237
Frank Zappa - Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?
- 238
Frank Zappa - Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp)
- 239
Frank Zappa - Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel
- 240
Frank Zappa - Hot Poop
- 241
Frank Zappa - How Could I Be Such A Fool
- 242
Frank Zappa - How Could I Be Such A Fool?
- 243
Frank Zappa - I Ain't Got No Heart
- 244
Frank Zappa - I Ain't Got No Heart (in album Tinseltown Rebellion)
- 245
Frank Zappa - I Come From Nowhere
- 246
Frank Zappa - I Don't Even Care
- 247
Frank Zappa - I Don't Wanna Get Drafted
- 248
Frank Zappa - I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth
- 249
Frank Zappa - I'm A Band Leader
- 250
Frank Zappa - I'm Stealing The Towels
- 251
Frank Zappa - Ian Underwood Whips It Out
- 252
Frank Zappa - If Only She Woulda
- 253
Frank Zappa - If We'd All Been Living In California...
- 254
Frank Zappa - In France
- 255
Frank Zappa - Intro (The Yellow Shark Album)
- 256
Frank Zappa - Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin
- 257
Frank Zappa - It Can't Happen Here
- 258
Frank Zappa - Janet's Big Dance Number
- 259
Frank Zappa - JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1
- 260
Frank Zappa - JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2
- 261
Frank Zappa - Jelly Roll Gum Drop
- 262
Frank Zappa - Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
- 263
Frank Zappa - Jezebel Boy
- 264
Frank Zappa - Johnny Darling
- 265
Frank Zappa - Jones Crusher
- 266
Frank Zappa - Jumbo Go Away
- 267
Frank Zappa - Kaiser Rolls
- 268
Frank Zappa - Kangaroos
- 269
Frank Zappa - Kenny's Booger Story
- 270
Frank Zappa - King Kong
- 271
Frank Zappa - Later That Night
- 272
Frank Zappa - Latex Solar Beef
- 273
Frank Zappa - Lemme Take You To The Beach
- 274
Frank Zappa - Let's Make The Water Turn Black
- 275
Frank Zappa - Let's Move To Cleveland
- 276
Frank Zappa - Library Card
- 277
Frank Zappa - Like It Or Not
- 278
Frank Zappa - Little Girl Of Mine
- 279
Frank Zappa - Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courturoy Ponce
- 280
Frank Zappa - Little House I Used To Live In
- 281
Frank Zappa - Little House I Used To Live In (in album Fillmore East )
- 282
Frank Zappa - Little Rubber Girl
- 283
Frank Zappa - Lonely Little Girl
- 284
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Cowboy Burt
- 285
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Cowboy Nando
- 286
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Electric Turkey
- 287
Frank Zappa - Lost In A Whirlpool
- 288
Frank Zappa - Louie Louie
- 289
Frank Zappa - Love Story
- 290
Frank Zappa - Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 291
Frank Zappa - Man With The Woman Head
- 292
Frank Zappa - Mary Lou
- 293
Frank Zappa - Massagio Galore
- 294
Frank Zappa - Master Ringo
- 295
Frank Zappa - Meow
- 296
Frank Zappa - Moggio
- 297
Frank Zappa - Mom & Dad
- 298
Frank Zappa - Montana (Whipping Floss)
- 299
Frank Zappa - More Trouble Every Day
- 300
Frank Zappa - Mother People
Fembot In A Wet T-shirt
Frank Zappa
SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie...
IKE:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
"Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N' they all think they are Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N' look pretty bold
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N'all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...
BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie... Home of THE TITS... huh huh...
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
Hi,Mary...howya doin?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills...
confounded by his sport coat, she replies...
MARY: Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him... or even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby
giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night...
BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?
MARY:
Ah, the bus...
BUDDY JONES:
Which one?
MARY:
You know...the last tour...
You know...
Leather
BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III...
why don't you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And
Mary's the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who'll do anything...
MARY:
Anything...
BUDDY JONES:
I said anything... for fifty bucks
That's right!
MARY:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed... that's right,you
heard right... our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with
the most exciting mammalian protruberances...
MARY: Here I am!
BUDDY JONES: ...
as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!
MARY:
EEEK!
BUDDY JONES:
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you ...sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead... AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD...
a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess...she's totally soaked..
totally committed to the fifty bucks.. .That's it just step into the spotlight.. let the guys
get a good look at ya honey!
MARY:
Here I am!
BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a little...
BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
MARY:
Oooh! I'm dancing!
I'm dancing!
BUDDY JONES:
Ain't this what living is really all about!
Here's your fifty bucks, Mary...
MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.
MARY:
On the bus.