- 1
Frank Zappa - Muffin Man
- 2
Frank Zappa - Bobby Brown
- 3
Frank Zappa - Uncle Remus
- 4
Frank Zappa - Bobby Brown Goes Down
- 5
Frank Zappa - Watermelon In Easter Hay
- 6
Frank Zappa - Apostrophe(')
- 7
Frank Zappa - The Torture Never Stops
- 8
Frank Zappa - Cosmik Debris
- 9
Frank Zappa - Joe's Garage
- 10
Frank Zappa - Camarillo Brillo
- 11
Frank Zappa - Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
- 12
Frank Zappa - Peaches En Regalia
- 13
Frank Zappa - Flakes
- 14
Frank Zappa - Inca Roads
- 15
Frank Zappa - San Ber'dino
- 16
Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is
- 17
Frank Zappa - Catholic Girls
- 18
Frank Zappa - He's So Gay
- 19
Frank Zappa - I'm The Slime
- 20
Frank Zappa - Willie The Pimp
- 21
Frank Zappa - Nanook Rubs It
- 22
Frank Zappa - Sleep Dirt
- 23
Frank Zappa - Stick It Out
- 24
Frank Zappa - Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?
- 25
Frank Zappa - Broken Hearts Are For Assholes
- 26
Frank Zappa - Dancin' Fool
- 27
Frank Zappa - I Have Been In You
- 28
Frank Zappa - Jewish Princess
- 29
Frank Zappa - Keep It Greasey
- 30
Frank Zappa - Love Story
- 31
Frank Zappa - Sofa #2
- 32
Frank Zappa - Stink-Foot
- 33
Frank Zappa - Sy Borg
- 34
Frank Zappa - Trouble Every Day
- 35
Frank Zappa - Valarie
- 36
Frank Zappa - Yo' Mama
- 37
Frank Zappa - Any Downers?
- 38
Frank Zappa - Black Napkins
- 39
Frank Zappa - Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy
- 40
Frank Zappa - Crew Slut
- 41
Frank Zappa - Dirty Love
- 42
Frank Zappa - Dong Work For Yuda
- 43
Frank Zappa - Goblin Girl
- 44
Frank Zappa - Harder Than Your Husband
- 45
Frank Zappa - Heavenly Bank Account
- 46
Frank Zappa - Keep It Greasy
- 47
Frank Zappa - Lemme Take You To The Beach
- 48
Frank Zappa - Montana
- 49
Frank Zappa - Plastic People
- 50
Frank Zappa - Promiscuous
- 51
Frank Zappa - Titties & Beer
- 52
Frank Zappa - 200 Motels Fineale
- 53
Frank Zappa - A Token Of My Extreme
- 54
Frank Zappa - Any Way The Wind Blows
- 55
Frank Zappa - Baby Snakes
- 56
Frank Zappa - Bamboozled By Love
- 57
Frank Zappa - Clowns On Velvet
- 58
Frank Zappa - Concentration Moon
- 59
Frank Zappa - Conehead
- 60
Frank Zappa - Cucamonga
- 61
Frank Zappa - Do You Like My New Car?
- 62
Frank Zappa - Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague
- 63
Frank Zappa - Doreen (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 5)
- 64
Frank Zappa - Drowning Witch
- 65
Frank Zappa - Evelyn, A Modified Dog
- 66
Frank Zappa - Fembot In A Wet T-shirt
- 67
Frank Zappa - Fifty-Fifty
- 68
Frank Zappa - Flambay
- 69
Frank Zappa - Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder
- 70
Frank Zappa - Help, I'm a Rock
- 71
Frank Zappa - Here Lies Love
- 72
Frank Zappa - I'm A Beautiful Guy
- 73
Frank Zappa - I'm Not Satisfied
- 74
Frank Zappa - I'm So Cute
- 75
Frank Zappa - Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin
- 76
Frank Zappa - It Can't Happen Here
- 77
Frank Zappa - Just One More Time
- 78
Frank Zappa - Love Of My Life
- 79
Frank Zappa - Mozart Ballet - Piano Sonata in B flat
- 80
Frank Zappa - My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama
- 81
Frank Zappa - Our Bizarre Relationship
- 82
Frank Zappa - Outside Now
- 83
Frank Zappa - Packard Goose
- 84
Frank Zappa - Penis Dimension
- 85
Frank Zappa - Po-Jama People
- 86
Frank Zappa - Porn Wars
- 87
Frank Zappa - Sleeping In A Jar
- 88
Frank Zappa - Society Pages
- 89
Frank Zappa - Son Of Mr. Green Genes
- 90
Frank Zappa - Spider Of Destiny
- 91
Frank Zappa - St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
- 92
Frank Zappa - Stick Together
- 93
Frank Zappa - Teen-Age Wind
- 94
Frank Zappa - The Beatles Medley
- 95
Frank Zappa - The Duke Regains His Chops
- 96
Frank Zappa - The Idiot Bastard Son
- 97
Frank Zappa - The Mud Shark
- 98
Frank Zappa - The Radio Is Broken
- 99
Frank Zappa - The Sheik Yerbouti Tango
- 100
Frank Zappa - Time Is Money
- 101
Frank Zappa - Tinseltown Rebellion
- 102
Frank Zappa - Uncle Bernie's Farm
- 103
Frank Zappa - Valley Girl
- 104
Frank Zappa - Village Of The Sun
- 105
Frank Zappa - What Kind Of Girl?
- 106
Frank Zappa - What's The Ugliest part Of Your Body?
- 107
Frank Zappa - Wowie Zowie
- 108
Frank Zappa - Zoot Allures
- 109
Frank Zappa - 200 Years Old
- 110
Frank Zappa - 5050
- 111
Frank Zappa - 9/8 Objects
- 112
Frank Zappa - A Few Moments With Brother A. West
- 113
Frank Zappa - A Game Of Cards
- 114
Frank Zappa - A Little Green Rosetta
- 115
Frank Zappa - A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes
- 116
Frank Zappa - A Typical Sound Check
- 117
Frank Zappa - Absolutely Free
- 118
Frank Zappa - Advance Romance
- 119
Frank Zappa - Advance Romance (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 3 )
- 120
Frank Zappa - Agency Man
- 121
Frank Zappa - Ain't Got No Heart
- 122
Frank Zappa - Alley Cat
- 123
Frank Zappa - America Drinks
- 124
Frank Zappa - America Drinks & Goes Home
- 125
Frank Zappa - Amnesia Vivace
- 126
Frank Zappa - Andy
- 127
Frank Zappa - Any Kind Of Pain
- 128
Frank Zappa - Anything
- 129
Frank Zappa - Approximate
- 130
Frank Zappa - Are You Hung Up?
- 131
Frank Zappa - Are You Upset?
- 132
Frank Zappa - Artificial Rhonda
- 133
Frank Zappa - At The Gas Station
- 134
Frank Zappa - Babbette
- 135
Frank Zappa - Baby Please Don't Go (feat. John Lennon)
- 136
Frank Zappa - Baby, Take Your Teeth Out
- 137
Frank Zappa - Bacon Fat
- 138
Frank Zappa - Baked-Bean Boogie
- 139
Frank Zappa - Be In My Video
- 140
Frank Zappa - Be-Bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church)
- 141
Frank Zappa - Beauty Knows No Pain
- 142
Frank Zappa - Big Leg Emma
- 143
Frank Zappa - Big Swifty
- 144
Frank Zappa - Billy The Mountain
- 145
Frank Zappa - Bow Tie Daddy
- 146
Frank Zappa - Briefcase Boogie
- 147
Frank Zappa - Brown Moses
- 148
Frank Zappa - Brown Shoes Don't Make It
- 149
Frank Zappa - Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Rebellion)
- 150
Frank Zappa - Bwana Dik
- 151
Frank Zappa - Call Any Vegetable
- 152
Frank Zappa - Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band From L.A.)
- 153
Frank Zappa - Can't Afford No Shoes
- 154
Frank Zappa - Carol, You Fool
- 155
Frank Zappa - Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 4)
- 156
Frank Zappa - Centerville
- 157
Frank Zappa - Chana In De Bushwop
- 158
Frank Zappa - Charles Ives
- 159
Frank Zappa - Charlie's Enormous Mouth
- 160
Frank Zappa - Charva
- 161
Frank Zappa - Cheap Thrills
- 162
Frank Zappa - Cheepnis
- 163
Frank Zappa - Chocolate Halvah
- 164
Frank Zappa - Chunga's Revenge
- 165
Frank Zappa - Church Chat
- 166
Frank Zappa - City Of Tiny Lites
- 167
Frank Zappa - City Of Tiny Lites (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 5)
- 168
Frank Zappa - Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus
- 169
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions
- 170
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 171
Frank Zappa - Cock-Suckers' Ball
- 172
Frank Zappa - Cops & Buns
- 173
Frank Zappa - Cruising For Burgers
- 174
Frank Zappa - Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
- 175
Frank Zappa - Dance Contest
- 176
Frank Zappa - Debra Kadabra
- 177
Frank Zappa - Dental Hygeine Dilemma
- 178
Frank Zappa - Dental Hygiene Dilemma
- 179
Frank Zappa - Deseri
- 180
Frank Zappa - Dew On The Newts We Got
- 181
Frank Zappa - Dickie's Such An Asshole
- 182
Frank Zappa - Didja Get Any Onya?
- 183
Frank Zappa - Dinah Moe Humm
- 184
Frank Zappa - Directly From My Heart To You
- 185
Frank Zappa - Disco Boy
- 186
Frank Zappa - Diseases Of The Band
- 187
Frank Zappa - Does This Kind of Life Does This Kind of Life?
- 188
Frank Zappa - Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You?
- 189
Frank Zappa - Dog Breath
- 190
Frank Zappa - Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?
- 191
Frank Zappa - Doreen
- 192
Frank Zappa - Drafted Again
- 193
Frank Zappa - Drop Dead
- 194
Frank Zappa - Drowning Witch (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 195
Frank Zappa - Drums Are Too Noisy
- 196
Frank Zappa - Duke Of Prunes
- 197
Frank Zappa - Dumb All Over
- 198
Frank Zappa - Dummy Up
- 199
Frank Zappa - Easy Meat
- 200
Frank Zappa - Echidna's Arf (Of You)
- 201
Frank Zappa - Eddie, Are You Kidding?
- 202
Frank Zappa - Electric Aunt Jemima
- 203
Frank Zappa - Elvis Has Just Left The Building
- 204
Frank Zappa - Envelops The Bath Tub
- 205
Frank Zappa - Epilogue
- 206
Frank Zappa - Excentrifugal Forz
- 207
Frank Zappa - Father O'Blivion
- 208
Frank Zappa - Find Her Finer
- 209
Frank Zappa - Fine Girl
- 210
Frank Zappa - Florentine Pogen
- 211
Frank Zappa - Flower Punk
- 212
Frank Zappa - For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers)
- 213
Frank Zappa - For The Young Sophisticate
- 214
Frank Zappa - Fountain Of Love
- 215
Frank Zappa - Frank Zappa
- 216
Frank Zappa - Frogs With Dirty Little Lips
- 217
Frank Zappa - Fuck Yourself
- 218
Frank Zappa - Galoot Up-Date
- 219
Frank Zappa - Geneva Farewell
- 220
Frank Zappa - German Lunch
- 221
Frank Zappa - Get A Little
- 222
Frank Zappa - God Bless America
- 223
Frank Zappa - Half A Dozen Provocative Squats
- 224
Frank Zappa - Happy Together
- 225
Frank Zappa - Harry & Rhonda
- 226
Frank Zappa - Harry-As-A-Boy
- 227
Frank Zappa - Harry, You're A Beast
- 228
Frank Zappa - He Used To Cut The Grass
- 229
Frank Zappa - Holding The Group Back
- 230
Frank Zappa - Holiday In Berlin
- 231
Frank Zappa - Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?
- 232
Frank Zappa - Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp)
- 233
Frank Zappa - Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel
- 234
Frank Zappa - Hot Poop
- 235
Frank Zappa - How Could I Be Such A Fool
- 236
Frank Zappa - How Could I Be Such A Fool?
- 237
Frank Zappa - Hungry Freaks, Daddy
- 238
Frank Zappa - I Ain't Got No Heart
- 239
Frank Zappa - I Ain't Got No Heart (in album Tinseltown Rebellion)
- 240
Frank Zappa - I Come From Nowhere
- 241
Frank Zappa - I Don't Even Care
- 242
Frank Zappa - I Don't Wanna Get Drafted
- 243
Frank Zappa - I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth
- 244
Frank Zappa - I'm A Band Leader
- 245
Frank Zappa - I'm So Happy I Could Cry
- 246
Frank Zappa - I'm Stealing The Towels
- 247
Frank Zappa - Ian Underwood Whips It Out
- 248
Frank Zappa - If Only She Woulda
- 249
Frank Zappa - If We'd All Been Living In California...
- 250
Frank Zappa - In France
- 251
Frank Zappa - Intro (The Yellow Shark Album)
- 252
Frank Zappa - It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal
- 253
Frank Zappa - Janet's Big Dance Number
- 254
Frank Zappa - JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1
- 255
Frank Zappa - JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2
- 256
Frank Zappa - Jelly Roll Gum Drop
- 257
Frank Zappa - Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
- 258
Frank Zappa - Jezebel Boy
- 259
Frank Zappa - Johnny Darling
- 260
Frank Zappa - Jones Crusher
- 261
Frank Zappa - Jumbo Go Away
- 262
Frank Zappa - Kaiser Rolls
- 263
Frank Zappa - Kangaroos
- 264
Frank Zappa - Kenny's Booger Story
- 265
Frank Zappa - King Kong
- 266
Frank Zappa - Later That Night
- 267
Frank Zappa - Latex Solar Beef
- 268
Frank Zappa - Let's Make The Water Turn Black
- 269
Frank Zappa - Let's Move To Cleveland
- 270
Frank Zappa - Library Card
- 271
Frank Zappa - Like It Or Not
- 272
Frank Zappa - Little Girl Of Mine
- 273
Frank Zappa - Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courturoy Ponce
- 274
Frank Zappa - Little House I Used To Live In
- 275
Frank Zappa - Little House I Used To Live In (in album Fillmore East )
- 276
Frank Zappa - Little Rubber Girl
- 277
Frank Zappa - Little Umbrellas
- 278
Frank Zappa - Lonely Little Girl
- 279
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Cowboy Burt
- 280
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Cowboy Nando
- 281
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Electric Turkey
- 282
Frank Zappa - Lost In A Whirlpool
- 283
Frank Zappa - Louie Louie
- 284
Frank Zappa - Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up
- 285
Frank Zappa - Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 286
Frank Zappa - Lumpy Gravy I
- 287
Frank Zappa - Magdalena
- 288
Frank Zappa - Magic Fingers
- 289
Frank Zappa - Man With The Woman Head
- 290
Frank Zappa - Mary Lou
- 291
Frank Zappa - Massagio Galore
- 292
Frank Zappa - Master Ringo
- 293
Frank Zappa - Meow
- 294
Frank Zappa - Moggio
- 295
Frank Zappa - Mom & Dad
- 296
Frank Zappa - Montana (Whipping Floss)
- 297
Frank Zappa - More Trouble Every Day
- 298
Frank Zappa - Mother People
- 299
Frank Zappa - Motherly Love
- 300
Frank Zappa - Mount St. Mary's Concert Excerpt
Fembot In A Wet T-shirt
Frank Zappa
SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie...
IKE:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
"Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N' they all think they are Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N' look pretty bold
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N'all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...
BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie... Home of THE TITS... huh huh...
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
Hi,Mary...howya doin?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills...
confounded by his sport coat, she replies...
MARY: Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him... or even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby
giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night...
BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?
MARY:
Ah, the bus...
BUDDY JONES:
Which one?
MARY:
You know...the last tour...
You know...
Leather
BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III...
why don't you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And
Mary's the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who'll do anything...
MARY:
Anything...
BUDDY JONES:
I said anything... for fifty bucks
That's right!
MARY:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed... that's right,you
heard right... our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with
the most exciting mammalian protruberances...
MARY: Here I am!
BUDDY JONES: ...
as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!
MARY:
EEEK!
BUDDY JONES:
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you ...sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead... AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD...
a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess...she's totally soaked..
totally committed to the fifty bucks.. .That's it just step into the spotlight.. let the guys
get a good look at ya honey!
MARY:
Here I am!
BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a little...
BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
MARY:
Oooh! I'm dancing!
I'm dancing!
BUDDY JONES:
Ain't this what living is really all about!
Here's your fifty bucks, Mary...
MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.
MARY:
On the bus.
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