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What's Your Story?

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

[Jessie]
The hell?

[Rebecca]
Story, story, what's your story?
Story, story, what's your crime?
What got you here?
Rage, lust, or fear?
We all got a story 'cause we're doing time

Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta

Tell your story
Ra ta ta

[Jessie]
Hum, ok, fine
My boyfriend had meth in the glove compartment
Of our car and I got pulled over
For something else and a cop found it

[Rebecca]
Oh! Well, did you dump that good-for-nothing drug planting boyfriend!

[Jessie]
No, we’re still together
I love him

[Rebecca]
Oh, well, did you at least tell the cops that it was his meth?

[Jessie]
I mean, I could have turned him in, but my boyfriend
And I have a son
I can’t risk our child having both parents in jail

[Rebecca]
That's true. That's-that's a good point

Story, story, let's hear another story
Story, story, that one was just sad
What does your story say
About the patriarch-ay?
We all have got stories 'cause we did bad

Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta

Story, go! Ra ta ta

[HANIFA]
Okay! I stole a sweater from the mall

[Rebecca]
Ooh! Had you been stealing all your life?
Was this the culmination of a life of kleptomania?
Or were you doing it to stick it to the problematic fashion industry?

[Hanifa]
No, the heat went out in my apartment
And I couldn’t afford a sweater, so I stole one

[White Inmate]
Oh my God, I stole a sweater too! I got two months, how long are you in for?

[Hanifa]
Three years

[White Inmate]
I'm so sorry

[Rebecca]
Story, story, these are barely stories
They're just bleak anecdotes with no start or end

Go tell-tell your story, tell your story

[Cybil]
Sure, I have a story. I'm in here for murder

[Rebecca]
Ooh! Murder! Juicy! Ra ta ta

[Cybil]
While I was driving, my daughter texted me
That she was in the hospital
And I got so distracted that
I hit a teenager who was crossing
The street and he died

[Rebecca]
Story, story, oh my God with that story
Story, story, take away her chair

[White Inmate]
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry

[Rebecca]
Okay, you know what, I’m just gonna share my story
Because you guys aren’t really versed
With a sense of story structure, so I’m gonna show you how it’s done

I was a no-good, manipulative love addict
With undiagnosed borderline personality disorder
I swindled! Drum! I cheated! Drum!
I called out a hit on my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend!
Drum, drum!
Then, one day, this guy Trent came into my life
He was ironically just like me
And he tried to kill the man I love, so I pushed him off a building!
And then, when I plead guilty just for like, metaphorical symbolism
The judge knew I was innocent so she didn’t accept my plea
But I wanted to go to jail anyway

[Jessie]
Wait, what?

[Cybil]
You don't have to be here?

[Jasmine]
You chose to be here?

[Rebecca]
Wait
Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta

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