We slithered out of your reach
All of us had someone like you to run from
Our wings were clipped, and our limbs were damaged
But we crawled and picked our way out as far as we could
We lived by the water
Took care of something that made its home deep below the surface
The mother of the depths returned our kindness
By giving us her flesh to sustain us
She was sick and diseased like we all were
But she kept us alive
Things settled
And some of our feathers started to grow back
A different color than before
Our bones began to heal, at new angles
But almost as strong as they used to be
We held each other close at night
And whispered that things were different now
Things were safe
We needed to be reminded nightly
Or else we'd forget
You found us
You came while we were sleeping
You talked with warm familiarity
And I threw up at your feet
You asked me what was wrong
Sincere, and I couldn't answer
I wish it was easier to hate you
I wish you were a bad person
But instead I just think that I am for wanting that
We drove you away haltingly
I told you I needed more time
As if I hadn't already decided what you were to me
I wish you knew what you did
But I don't want to tell you
It would be easier if you were something I had nightmares about
Instead of ugly, complicated dreams
I want to flatten you into a villain
But I think that would only turn me into one
Please leave me alone
I'm happy now
I'm happy here
Please don't look for me
I promise I'm okay
Please go
Listen to me
I'm going to speak plainly
I'm not going to say your name
I'm afraid
Because of what I know you won't mention
All those years of horrible tension
I don't think you're a monster, hardly
I just think that you fucked up, badly
I can never tell you what you did to me
So I have to settle for this, I hope truly
That you never hear these words that I'm speaking
This is just for me as I'm healing
It's not my fault that my soul is a war
That I don't want to say I love you on the phone anymore
I blame you. But I don't want to hate you
But maybe that's because I'm afraid to
There is a memory of when I was young and I admired you so much
There is a memory of when I was young and I admired you so much
(We got away, but everything reminds us)
There is a memory of when I was young and I admired you so much
(We got away, but everything reminds us)
There is a memory of when I was young and I admired you so much
(We got away, but everything reminds us)
There is a memory of when I was young and I admired you so much
(We got away, but everything reminds us)
There is a memory of when I was young and I admired you so much
(We got away, but everything reminds us)
I admired you so much
What comes next?
Is there anything after?
Where will we go for now?
Who will we become?
I wonder
I've never wondered before
Everything always changes but it's always the same
Everything always changes, it flickers like flames
Everything always changes, dice roll to a different face
Everything always changes, new skin, new name
Everything always changes but it's different sides of one thing
Everything always changes, in a circle, in a ring
